Sunday, June 20, 2010

How to tell if I'll hate a movie

I don't just downright hate any genre of movie. But, there are two categories of movies that I can't stand.

The first I would call "Movies with a bunch of dudes on the cover." It's quicker to demonstrate than to explain:







These types of movies all have things in common. First off, all of them have extremely hard-to-follow labyrinthine plots that bore me into unconsciousness. Also, all of them have some sort of criminal element, yet somehow manage to take an exciting concept and turn it into a snooze fest. The most irritating thing about these movies, though, is the amount of hype surrounding them and how overrated they are. Every time one of these movies was released, I had to endure months of people talking about how great they were.

The next type of movie I hate can be accurately described as "Movies with a bunch of assholes on the cover". Again, a demonstration:


I could provide more examples of this type of movie, but I'm too lazy. You get the gist, though... Basically these movies lack any sort of real substance and just rely on name drops on the cover, hence the classification "movies with a bunch of assholes on the cover." THESE films are even worse than the "dudes" movies because they have NO plot and usually have a gimmick, like being filmed in black and white.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Couples Retreat



Specs:
Runtime: 113 Minutes
Year: 2009
Format Viewed: DVD

Synopsis: Yuppie couples go on vacation to a resort to focus on their marriages.

This is one of those films you only watch if you're hoping to fall asleep, only, this movie is so incredibly boring that it leaves your mind so numb that you can no longer achieve sleep. First of all, the movie has asshole star Vince Vaughn... Enough said. Seeing him on the screen is like seeing a Dave Matthews concert and not due to their similar appearances, but due to the shared boringness within their presences. He adds absolutely nothing to this film aside from extra yawning ability. Next... Well, I wish there was a "next" for me to write about, but unfortunately this film is so pointless that I haven't been able to focus on it entirely. It's a movie you put on and bores you so incredibly much that you're too bored to even turn it off. This film sucks. Stay away.

1/10 stars

-Kate


I hate this movie. It is categorized as "critically bashed," "screwball comedy," and "box office hit." All I'll say about that is the only category it should be filed under is "retarded." It is not funny, clever, entertaining, or even slightly watchable. I'd imagine that the only people who actually like this movie are the same obnoxious yuppie chicks who star in it.

0/10 Stars
-Jon

Monday, March 8, 2010

Goodfellas


Specs:
Runtime: 139 Minutes
Year: 1990
Format Viewed: DVD


Synopsis:
The story of real life gangster Henry Hill and his life in the mob scene.


I love, love, LOVE this film! Goodfellas is one of those rare masterpieces that only comes around every few years and once it does, you'll never forget it. What makes this film even more amazing is the fact that it is based on a true story and hailed as one of the most realistic, spot on movies to reveal an actual mob scene. So if you've ever been curious what that side of life is like, rent this movie and you'll know exactly. You know what, don't even rent it. Just go straight into buying it because I can guarantee that you'll love this one.

First off, everything about this movie is perfectly shot. The camera work allows you to feel on the scene, taking a stroll with Henry as he introduces the mob family and all of his associates. You forget for awhile that you are actually watching a film and can actually put yourself right there until the very end. The acting is spot on! With big stars like Robert Deniro, Joe Pesci, and Ray Liotta, you can't go wrong. Deniro and Pesci are always a great pair to get together in acting, so you know to expect the very best. As usual Pesci plays a hotheaded tough guy with a wild side that is sure to get him in trouble while Deniro plays a more down to earth, mellow wise guy. Liotta is the center of the film, however, playing Henry Hill. Honestly, they couldn't have picked a better guy. Even his voice has the perfection for the part to it, as he illustrates the story throughout the whole entire movie in novel form.

Oh and shall we talk about the many brilliant scenes in this film? There are so many classics that it's so hard to choose just one, but let me share with you one of my favorites from the movie. It really, truly, needs no words.


Gangster films are always a favorite of mine and there are always many to choose from, but out of all of them, even topping The Godfather, I'm going to say that Goodfellas will always go down as my favorite. It's honest, straight to the point, and as always, a great life lesson as to why living the high life in the mafia never ends well. If you want a good story to watch, check this one out for sure!

10/10 stars

-Kate


I've had many heated debates over whether this movie is better than Casino, another movie along these lines. All in all, I think this movie is a masterpiece of modern film. It's unique first person narrative flows throughout the story very nicely, a feat which has not worked well if at all in the past. The characters come to life due to spot-on acting and a perfect cast. The one-two punch of Deniro and Pesci is always welcome, but Ray Liotta's performance drives it home and pulls the whole movie together.

Put it this way: before I saw Goodfellas, I never cared much for gangster movies. This film has literally opened my eyes to a genre which I have tended to gloss over in the past.

-Jon

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Ghost World



Specs:
Runtime: 111 Minutes
Year: 2001
Format Viewed: DVD

Synopsis:
This movie takes place over a summer after friends Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johannsen) graduate from high school. The plot loosely consists of Enid's interactions with a socially-awkward loner, her attempts to make money, and generally failing at life. We also see a glimpse into the life of Seymour (Steve Buscemi) whose main hobby is collecting antique records.


I don't think I've ever seen a movie where so many people, companies, and critics have
missed the point entirely. The closest synopsis I've heard of this movie is "Enid is looking for something unique in a world where everything is becoming the same." That's halfway there. A major theme in the movie is how everything unique in our culture is disappearing and slowly being replaced by burger joints, convenience stores, chain coffee shops, and corporate movie theaters. The other idea of this movie, though, is satire. The satire around Enid is so thick you could stick a fork in it. This character is the ultimate epitome of a lazy, irresponsible, inconsiderate person who desperately tries to look and act unique. Of course, though, the lesson here is that the more "unique" you try to look, the more you look like every other one of those people. The "unique" look that Enid espouses is not unique at all but has a very strict set of parameters that must be followed closely. For example, let's look at Enid's glasses. Do you think Enid would have such mass appeal among eighteen, nineteen, and twenty-somethings if she chose a "unique" pair of glasses like this:

Of course not! Although anyone would argue that these are "unique," they definitely don't fit into the category of what's acceptable to be considered unique. See the hypocrisy?

Anyway, I love this movie because it not only illustrates some of the problems with mainstream American culture, but it serves as an excellent idiot barometer: if someone takes this movie at face value and/or idolizes Enid's character, then I know they're just like her and to stay far away lest I end up lending out money that I'll never get back.

9/10 stars.

-Jon


I'm so glad that we started this blog with this movie. It's been one of my favorites for a long while now and one of those films where you can literally take something new from it each time you view it over. Everything from the smallest details reveal other bits and pieces of all of the characters in this movie. It's definitely not a movie you should relate to, but you'll find that most people entirely miss the whole message of it and do “relate”. For the more serious viewers, however, this is a film that will speak loudly to you and will have you rolling your eyes in a comedic sense while you think of the mirroring images of other people and this film.

Seriously, who hasn't known this exact chick?

Look at her. You've likely seen her walking down the street in a small town or hanging out in school. Maybe she's your sister or that friend that tags along when no one else has room for her in their group. Whoever she is, we all know her and likely have known her for years even before this movie came out. Sure, then she had a different image, but it's likely that since this film was released, she's discovered it, idolized it, and stumbled upon her own “unique” appearance by taking on exact characteristics of the main character Enid. It's that person that stands out in your life by not standing out at all. Man, all of these chicks are seriously the same!!!

Examples:

-They wear those wonderfully trendy black, boxy glasses. That is perhaps the biggest indication that you know her. Their hair is always shoulder length or higher while most likely being dyed black. Do not expect it to always be black though. These chicks like to keep you guessing their true personality so sometimes they may pull a red, blue, or green dye change up on you.

-They dress in “unique” clothing. Whether it be wearing combat boots with a skirt or sifting through thrift stores with a philosophy for old grandma 50s/60s clothing, they're always looking for a way to stand out wardrobe wise.

-Mooches! All of them are mooches! They lack any ability to hold a real job, as they'd prefer to spend their days doing random, pointless outings from following strangers to exploring porn stores like giggly little girls. When money is a necessity you'll often hear the words, “You totally have to let me borrow some money!” or see them taking the initiative of creating a garage sale with high expectations of making a fortune. If that fails, beware, as they'll likely be springing up the idea of moving in or getting a place with you where they will act as a “maid” and clean and do other housework in exchange for not having to pay rent. Mooches, seriously... Every last one of them.

-They can't drive. They'll walk great distances to force someone to drive them all over town.

-They make fun of everyone around them for looking “the same”.

-They are horrible pack rats. This ties into them throwing garage sales to make a great fortune, only they sort of have to throw garage sales due to all of the crap that accumulates in their life through just a matter of months. Any money, or your money that they borrow, is often times spent on the most random items from again, those lovely thrift stores with philosophies. Random, out there items, to them, are supposed to reveal their "unique" personalities just as much as their wardrobe choice, you know.

-You'll usually find them discussing different actors or song artists that no one else has heard of. These entertainers actually can't be heard of or liked by the general public in order for this girl to adopt them into her favorites.

-In general, they screw up the lives of everyone they touch to some degree. It may be from mooching too much, refusing to grow up and be responsible, or just all out being failures. These girls always leave a lasting, negative imprint and in the end they're left alone and miserable until they find their next victims to cling to like parasites.

The best thing you can do if you know this chick is to stay as far away as possible!!! Use this movie as a crucial example and even if you don't want to watch it, watch it in order to know what to look out for! Trust me, you'll thank me later.

Believe it or not the first time I watched this film with my friend Kourtney back in the early 2000's, I did not like it. I didn't know why I didn't like it then, but for some reason the movie just ticked me off. Years later I found myself thinking back to the movie and pulling out parts of it that I did in fact somehow enjoy, so naturally I decided to give it a re-watch with my husband, who also happened to have the same ill feelings towards it. This time, however, when we watched it, we both thoroughly enjoyed it! Mostly we found ourselves nodding and laughing at the main character's odd quirks, agreeing that we both knew too many girls like that. It was then that I realized the initial reason I hated the movie so much was because the main character made me so angry! My anger towards her personality clouded my ability to even see the real message of “diversity disappearing” the first time I watched this masterpiece.

Oh, and let me step away for a moment and make a remark on how awesome Steve Buscemi is in this movie. Being one of my favorite actors for his eccentric film personality, he definitely did not disappoint me in his role here. It saddens me sometimes that Steve is only casted to play the loner, weird guy, losers in most movies, but somehow these parts work for him. You'll see his wonderful classic outbursts and see specific scenes that will have your skin crawling in discomfort. I think these are the reasons why I like him so much. He just has this one, specific affect on his audience. So if you're not into the storyline of this movie at all, at least check out some of Steve's clips!

So all in all, I highly value this film and think it's something everyone should watch at least once. Do not think it's the average coming to age film where adolescents finally reach their adulthood stage though. It's a nice twist for a storyline, that's for sure.

Oh and also check out the comic it's based on if you enjoy this film!

9/10 stars.

-Kate

Welcome to Critical Rewind

Are you tired of reading boring, stodgy-sounding movie reviews written by overpaid windbags? Do one word reviews like "Fun!" irritate you to the point of wanting to stab your neighbor with an icepick? Well this blog may be for you. We're not a traditional movie critique site by any means. Instead of only featuring new movies, we are going to draw upon years and years of whatever cinematic masterpieces (or disasters) that we feel like watching and find worthy of review here. There is no set criteria for a movie we pick to write about; all it has to do is stand out to us in some way. Our overall purpose is to inform our readers of the virtue (or downright awfulness) of movies and to promote discussion of said movies.

The format of our entries is subject to change, but they'll generally feature a "specs" section, a "synopsis" section, and a paragraph or two each by my wife and I about the movie at hand.These paragraphs can include critiques, stories, rants, pretty much whatever we feel like writing. We'll include screen shots and video clips where pertinent. Think of it as sort of an Internet-based Siskel and Ebert without the ugly fat guys.

So keep an eye out... You might laugh, you might cry, you might hurl, but most importantly, you just might find another movie that will either become a cherished classic or live in infamy and haunt your dreams.